Throughout history, rain has been considered one of our most important recurring events – and not just for the people in the umbrella industry. No, rain is important to us all.
Without rain, our crops and forests would not thrive, our waterways would become stagnant and dry up, and our cars would never get washed.
Despite this, humanity has not found a way to control rain reliably.
In fact, the best attempts we have come up with so far are rain dances. For eternity, and maybe longer, Indigenous peoples around the world have been trying to coax rain by dancing.
I happen to think they are onto something too. I mean, the theory is sound enough. For, when you dance, you are supposed to be having a good time. And, as we all know, rainclouds are attracted to people having a good time. That’s why it never rains during lengthy outdoor political events.
The problem with rain dancing, I believe, is that not all of those rain dancers are having a good time. Sure, there are some rain dancers who actually love to dance. I get it. They are coordinated. They are fit. They know a few moves. They watched Saturday Night Fever. They don’t have sweat glands.
And there are also those who would like to dance, and they eventually do, but only after consuming a few adult beverages. But when they dance, they tend to wear lampshades on their heads, bump into everybody, spill drinks and yell “Watch this!” before spinning wildly, with flailing arms, and falling into the finger food and punch bowl table.
Even worse, and perhaps more unhappy, are those who finally get dragged out to the rain dance floor. I’m talking about those guys who get singled out by one of those women who dance-walk their way to a table giving the “come dance with me” signal with open outstretched hands. The kind of person who won’t take no for an answer.
All this is to say, there are not many happy people in any group of dancers – 10 per cent, max. So, it’s no wonder rain clouds don’t come running.
This realization led to a minor epiphany. I realized there was something more effective than the aforementioned traditional rain dances.
I’m referring to camping and fishing trips.
You see I really, really enjoy those things and look forward to them for weeks. So, I started paying attention to the weather while I was in the midst of these adventures and soon concluded that there is no better way to bring on rain than to embark upon a fishing or camping trip. It’s even worse if you combine the two, which I always do.
If you don’t believe me, try it yourself.
It works so well that I have actually induced torrential rainfalls just by loading the car with camping and fishing gear. I honestly think if climatologists were to track my excursions, they might find an obvious pattern of heavy precipitation coincides with them.
I know. These are not rain dances per se. Yet, when the thunder and lightning are drawing near, they take on a similar frenetic appearance.
I guess my point is, I am available to end local droughts for a nominal fee. I just need a little advance notice – so I can dry out my tent, tackle and sleeping bag.