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Where have all the flowers gone?

The other day, I heard Jenn scream, “Where have all the flowers gone?”

At first, I thought she was doing a punk-rock rendition of the old Peter, Paul and Mary hippie anthem. But then after my eyes followed her index finger to our front garden, I realized that she was just asking a question.

And the answer was, “They are in some deer’s belly.”

The deer are now eating so frequently at our front flower garden that I’m starting to believe one of them gave it a great Yelp review.

If for no other reason, this has made Jenn a lot more open to the idea of giving deer hunters like me additional tags for defense of home and garden.

Frankly, I do not harbour any resentment towards the deer in question, but I do wish that there was a type of grass I could plant that they would prefer over her flowers. Then, I’d finally be able to sell the lawn mower and we would all win.

Jenn has tried and tested many concoctions meant to deter them. Some of these potions smell so evil that they might have gotten her accused of witchcraft in a different time. She has even found one particularly vile and effective homemade spray that works – right up until it rains.

The deer seem to know this too.

I’m at a loss about what to do.

Someone suggested fencing was the best solution, but I’m not sure how fair that would be. Heck, I’m not even sure a deer could pick up a sabre with its cloven hoofs. Plus, as a rule, I think it’s a bad idea to arm wild animals.

But I digress.

A better solution might be to plant plastic flowers, which I have suggested to Jenn many times. But, apparently, this idea is an abomination to the serious gardener. Plus, Jenn, reminded me of the difficulties we had when she bought wax fruit long ago – and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

In the meantime, the deer remain a problem.

Regardless, I don’t begrudge the deer for eating our expensive flowers. But I do begrudge them for not making it all the way to the restroom.

For the outdoorsman, learning about a deer herd’s love of flowers is critical information. And it is something that you don’t always hear about in magazines and websites that talk about what deer eat. Oh, sure, we hear about how they hit acorns and apples and clover and alfalfa, but no one ever tells you that they will favour your wife’s most expensive prized roses over all these things.

And they are brazen about it too. Trying to kick a deer out of your wife’s flower garden and you’ll soon see the side of Bambi that the Disney people tried to hide.

I think there is a lesson here for deer hunters. And that is, instead of food plots and bait piles, if you really want to draw deer into an area, create a beautiful, lovingly tended garden in the middle of your hunting grounds. And then set up a tree stand within easy range of you prized hostas.

In the meantime, I think I will place the odd plastic flower in her garden. At least it will be a long time passing…

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