Readers who have been or are married know that it’s a challenge.

Those first few years of marriage are spent determining whose job it is to take out the garbage, who always remembers birthdays, who does the majority of the cooking, how the banking situation functions best, and countless minutiae of balancing your relationship and roles. When kids come, the whole balance changes and new roles are defined. It takes awhile to get back to that place where it’s the two of you against the world.

So it’s no wonder that the longer you are married to your spouse, the more irritated you are likely to be by your beloved. A group of researchers at the University of Michigan determined that this level of irritation is normal in a close relationship.

Unlike our kids, who grow up and move away, and our friends, who we see occasionally and can ditch if they are really driving us nuts, we tend to feel more negative towards our spouses over time. The researchers figure that this is because things like leaving a dirty spoon on the counter directly over the dishwasher (argh!) starts as a small thing and grows over time. This goes a long way toward explaining why my own grandparents (married 50+ years) were constantly bickering!

Not surprisingly, those of us who express our irritation and work to resolve our problems tend to be most successful in negotiating these bumps and hurdles. And as we get older, we get better at talking about our problems. Luckily, we also get better at deciding what can be left alone. Perhaps that tendency to leave the socks on the floor doesn’t have to be such a crisis.

I’m at home this week recovering from a partial discectomy. That’s back surgery, in case you aren’t up on the terms, and it means that hopefully my recurring back problems will start to abate. But first, I have to hang around the house and do very little while my back heals (and I get over the nasty, nasty effects of the anasthetic!).

I spent yesterday feeling a little sorry for myself. I’m bored, tired, a little woozy from the drugs, and sore. My mum is here taking care of me and my family, and I’ve been enjoying her company, but other than that I was feeling miserable. Until I read about Sonia Commisso, that is.

Mrs. Commisso is the sole person in her home who takes care of her husband, in a wheelchair with MS, her daughter, in a wheelchair with Leigh’s disease, and a son who has a seizure disorder. She lost another daughter to Leigh’s disease at 2 years old. She made the news because she turned up yesterday at Queen’s Park to speak to George Smitherman, Ontario’s Health Minister, about her situation. Her homecare allotment was recently cut to 15 hours from 54 hours a week. As you might imagine, she’s exhausted.

I was reminded by this article that no matter how much I might feel sorry for myself, someone else deserves my sympathy even more.

The past week has been tough for Elmira. The loss of a genuinely nice person like Val Ferguson is always difficult; when it seems inexplicable, it becomes even harder to accept. While I did not know Val personally, she was one of the people I saw regularly - at skating, at school, around the pool at swimming lessons. Like a lot of other people, I had the sense that Val was a caring mother and kind person. Her death is a real loss for our community.

I have been away this week, and I was out of town when the news about Val’s death broke. I found myself checking every news outlet to find out what was happening, and more importantly, why it happened. Little information has been released. It is understandable; police are building a case, and family and neighbours are reeling with shock and craving privacy.

I don’t know if the advent of the 24-hour news cycle was the chicken or the egg; what I do know is that the absence of information can create a vacuum. What tends to fill that vacuum is rumour and innuendo, and to my knowledge, those mills are cranking hard on Elmira streets this week.

In an event like this, people are tempted to look at reporters as intruders, but I think that’s simplistic. I believe we readers look for information not because we are curious or voyeuristic, but because we need to make sense of such a tragedy.

Val’s death does not make sense. It likely never will. But in a small town like ours, the need to know is driven by our need to grieve. Even those of us who did not know Val feel this grief; talking about the person she was can help come to terms with it.

I read a scary article today in The New York Times about the price of rice doubling in recent months. Asian markets, normally able to produce enough rice to supply their own demand, are trembling about the possible shortages of rice. People are getting a lot less rice for their money, these days.

Add this to the news that there’s been food-shortage rioting in places like Mexico, Senegal and Morocco, and the fact that armed guards need to surround shipments of wheat and flour in Pakistan, and there’s something quite frightening going on in the world. My understanding is that odd weather conditions all over are severely affecting crop yields, and as a result the price of food staples are going through the roof.

If you haven’t heard of the 100-mile diet, maybe now is a good time to check it out. The idea is that you should only consume food that has traveled less than 100 miles to get to you. The average distance an ingredient in most of our meals travels in 1500 miles from us. When we think about the fact that people all over the world are having a hard time getting affordable food, the notion that we should eat what is grown and produced around us makes a lot of sense.

The common wisdom about the average Canadian is that most of us are two missed paycheques away from losing our homes.

I thought of this when I read this CNN article about a woman who was laid off from her job in February, and now needs to visit the foodbank to feed her kids. The story goes on to describe the increasing numbers of middle-class families who need help from social programs.

The sub-prime problem is a big part of the stress these families experience; this woman’s interest-only mortgage payment is $2500 per month. A financial expert’s first suggestion might be that she downsize her home, but since she would most likely be selling it at auction, there’s no way she could get close to the price she paid for the home.

This kind of crisis can happen so quickly that you wouldn’t even have a chance to regroup. Imagine yourself in this position; your kids are in hockey and you need to pay the $5 entrance fee per game, but you lost your job and are quickly burning through your savings. There’s a birthday party next week, and you just can’t afford to pay for a gift. Do you tell your 8 year-old that he can’t go, or send him with an alternative kind of present? Do you let your kids know that life is going to drastically change, or keep up appearances until you can figure out what to do? Do you sell your computer and camera to raise some cash, or hope that you’ll find a job in time to keep your possessions?

When people feel nervous about the state of the economy, they tend to spend less on luxury or extra items. No new big-screen TVs or digital cameras, and no trendy boots until things get better, they pledge. But do we think about the little things like birthday presents or a coffee on the way to work as luxuries? We, the North American middle class, lead a privileged life compared to the truly poor we see lining up at the local shelter.

I know a little about economics, but not enough to begin to guess what will happen next. What I do know is that I can feel empathy for this woman’s plight, and hope that when times get better, she and others like her remember how tough it was.

I read this article in the Record about the amounts of certain drugs and chemicals that have been found in drinking water from 15 different water treatment plants in Ontario. The chemicals include painkillers like ibuprofen (sold as Advil and Motrin, among others), cholesterol-lowering drugs, and triclosan.

The recent discovery of these chemicals in water supplies has sparked outrage on the part of US and Canadian governments, and the US is calling for an inquiry into the safety of the US water supply. Writers like Adria Vasil have been pointing this problem out to us for some time.

You’ll find triclosan in most anti-bacterial soaps, all of which have become extremely popular over the last few years. I guess that due to SARS and other viral threats, people feel more comfortable using an anti-bacterial soap when they wash their hands. There have been lots of stories about whether or not anti-bacterial soap is better at killing germs than regular, proper hand-washing. This article by Dr. Alan Greene summarizes the current research on hand-washing nicely.

Aside from the hand-washing debate (and I’m firmly on the side of regular soap and warm water), my point is that what you put on your hands ends up in our rivers and lakes. Triclosan has no business being in our water-supply, and there is lots of research to point to the accumulation of triclosan in fish and human tissue.  This fact sheet, which is admittedly from a biased source, nevertheless has a lot of credible information about triclosan and where we can find it in household products (shockingly, it’s found in a number of toys!).

If you are really concerned about colds, flus, and the next big epidemic, make yourself feel better by using a little alcohol-based hand-sanitizer when you finish washing your hands with good, old soap.

My plan for the weekend includes spending at least one hour in the dark, along with people and businesses around the world.

This event, called Earth Hour, began in Sydney Australia in 2007. The idea is simple; for one hour, turn off your lights. This act of turning off our lights is a symbol that we can do something about climate change, but we all need to work together. Earth Hour 2008 is scheduled for March 29th at 8pm, and one of the major sponsors is the World Wildlife Fund.

Toronto was the first Canadian city to sign on, and the Big Smoke is taking it seriously! The Leafs are planning to skate in the dark with only the light from TV cameras. The Toronto Star has been a big promoter of Earth Hour, and you can find lots of information about participating retailers and ideas for ways to spend your Earth Hour in various articles. I was surprised to find that Cineplex Odeon is planning to participate by turning off all of the lights in its 131 theatres. Although we watch movies in the dark, the commerce at movie theatres requires light for virtually everything else you can do there.

It might seem kind of silly to participate in such a symbolic movement. What good does turning off the lights for one hour really do? We are still going to be consuming energy in countless other ways, and presumably people will be driving and industries will be spewing carbon into the air while doing their daily business. But I think it’s important because it will start many people in the direction of a greener lifestyle. We all have to start somewhere - if we begin by turning out the lights, we may move to reusable shopping bags, choosing public transit, switching to energy-saving lightbulbs, buying organic food more often, and composting.

Make a pledge to participate in Earth Hour, but don’t stop there. Too often, we congratulate ourselves for participating in an event but return to our same old habits. None of the choices I named above are terribly difficult (with the exception of public transit, which is virtually non-existent in Woolwich Township). Make one small change to your habits each month, and soon you will find that you’ve saved yourself money and time, and have made a sizable impact on your carbon footprint.

I don’t know about you, but the recent wobbles in the US markets and their echoes in foreign markets are making me a little bit nervous. The largest and most financially powerful country in the world is experiencing a credit crisis, and like the proverbial flap of the butterfly’s wing, the ripples are being felt worldwide.

Today, however, I read an article by Michael Valpy about the state of Zimbabwe. Valpy was the Globe and Mail’s correspondent in Zimbabwe until the country booted all foreign journalists, and he snuck in recently to see what had changed. The article describes in detail his shock at the trashing of Harare, the nation’s once-shining capital city, at the hands of Robert Mugabe’s government.

The facts are stunning: 80% of Zimbabweans are unemployed. Inflation is officially recorded at 100,580%, although it’s estimated to be at 150,000%. The Zimbabwe dollar closed this week at $25 million for $1 US. Yes, you read that correctly. One professional couple Valpy interviewed said their combined monthly salary of $57 million Zimbabwe buys them 4 loaves of bread. People are stripping the city’s electrical wires and plumbing apparatus to sell for food.

Over 3 million citizens have left the country. There is no gasoline to be found, hospitals are not doing surgery because of staff and supply shortages, and teachers and academics are leaving the country in droves, leaving students no way to complete their training. The HIV infection rate is 21%, and the country has no anti-retroviral drug.

There’s an election coming in Zimbabwe, and although Mugabe’s reign has been extremely controversial, Valpy reports that he is incredibly popular. For a country that suffered so miserably under Rhodesian rule, the citizens seem willing to wait for better things to come.

I was shocked by this glimpse into such a state. I was also reminded that no matter how wobbly things may seem here, they are worse elsewhere in this big world.

We’ve had so many snow days this year that it feels like some kids have hardly been to school. Because our son Parker goes to John Mahood, he has not missed as much school as kids from bus-dependent schools. Those kids are up to a record-breaking 9 days off this year.

Well, today is no day off school, but because of the largest storm yet this winter, it has felt like a snow day - the kind we had when I was a kid. I lived in a rural area, and snow days meant the school was normally still open, but only kids who could walk would make it in. We would gather in the gym and do crafts and watch movies on those reel-to-reel projectors, and generally the day had the air of a party.

Our day has felt like that today since the weather is too lousy to go anywhere. We’ve just been hanging around the house, doing our own thing, and running into each other occasionally. The kids are happily playing at their own separate games, and Pat and I have been  leisurely getting things done with little sense of necessity or rush. Finn has been building elaborate structures from stacks of books and plastic furniture.

We are not a ridiculously busy family. Our kids are too young to have a lot of scheduled activities and we aren’t into organized sports much. We take a lot of time to relax and just hang out together. But even so, a day like today reminds me that we could use a few more days of no pressure, no expectations, and no plans.

So I am taking today like a gift. Instead of cursing the weather, I’m going to get settled in with a warm blanket and a good book, a chicken in the oven and soft music on the radio.

I am addicted to school. I know, it seems weird, but something about sitting in a classroom situation and thinking about a subject really appeals to me. It’s time that is automatically set aside for you to really pay attention to a topic.

That’s why I love taking parenting courses. What could be better than thinking about the skills you use every day in raising and loving your children? Not only do you get to hear other parents’ horror and success stories, you get to learn some new skills that you can practice immediately. You know that you are not alone in your frustrations and questions.

KW Counselling offers many great courses at reasonable prices. I particularly liked Discipline by Design, and got a lot of advice for dealing with my kids’ very different temperaments from this course. The instructor has a lot of experience and manages the variety of needs my fellow parents had very well.

You may be thinking that you don’t need to take a parenting course, that you can do things exactly the same way your parents did, and you turned out just fine. And that may very well be the case. But let me offer you a reason to think about it again.

Recently, I was shepherding some kids around a grocery store and a couple of people commented to me that I must be brave. After all, I was one person, outnumbered by children. I have an advantage; my time at teacher’s college has taught me a lot about managing groups. But for me, the key is that I know I am in charge, and I know I have the skills to handle whatever happens. What is the worst thing that can happen, after all? Maybe a kid breaks something. Maybe they start running around. Nothing terrible.

I think this attitude that kids are hard to handle has become pervasive in our society. People are reluctant to take their kids on vacation, to stores, with them to appointments - and they seem amazed that others can do it! I knew a babysitter who took all of the kids in her care (5 under 5 years old) with her to a hospital to have her daughter’s arm X-rayed when she suspected it was injured. What’s her secret?

After my time in parenting courses, I think I’ve figured it out. The secret is that you have to believe in yourself. It’s what we teach our children - if you think you can’t do something, you are probably right. Part of believing in yourself is having the tools to handle whatever might come up, and knowing that a little planning will go a long way. I’m betting that babysitter likely had snacks, books and an idea of the way she would keep kids busy during the waiting times. Parenting courses give you new tools to use, and lots of ideas for whatever comes up.

In no way would I portray myself as a perfect parent. I don’t think such a species exists. I read an analogy once about parenting that I really like, and share with fellow parents whenever possible. Parenting is like flying an airplane. We have a starting point and a destination. But like an airplane, that due to winds and weather and factors beyond the pilot’s control goes off course now and then, we need to continually correct our path in order to reach our destination. It’s not a straight line, by any means.

Hanging out with fellow parents in courses always helps me get back on the path to my destination, and I know one thing for sure: my kids are worth every effort!